In Memorium

I felt it was time to write a little about my friend. Her passing has greatly affected our lives but I hope this will help me heal. It seems selfish, but maybe it will help.

As most of you know, we had to put down my very dear friend and companion Myndi,  my Mini Australian Shepherd. She was 12 1/2 years old and I had her for a little over half my life. She was a constant friend and was true to dog nature in that she loved unconditionally.

We, unfortunately, were not able to determine the cause of her illness due to lack of funds and a less than 50 percent chance (a generous estimate according to the vet) of living. She had not been eating well since July, and stopped eating pretty much all together about 2 weeks before her passing. We tried to get her to eat any and everything we could from fried chicken to animal crackers! She would eat bites here and there, but nothing substantial enough to keep her going. About the time she stopped eating, her breathing patterns became very short, quick and shallow. She was obviously not well. Upon taking her into the vets office, nothing could be done without testing that we could not afford. We opted for steroid treatment to help her breathing. This helped somewhat, probably by about 50 percent. She still wasn't eating, which was, I believe, what led to the rapid decline over the next few days. I took her back to another vet who gave a MUCH better explanation of what she believed to be happening. She thought Myndi most likely had cancer and there was probably a tumor near or in her lung. One side of her chest sounded normal, the other very crackly and clearly NOT normal. Tests and x-rays would need to be done, but she thought that even if a diagnosis was reached, she would still only have less than a 50 percent chance (probably more like 125, I think) at living through treatment. So even if we did treat, she would most still most likely die.

Needless to say, we had to make THE hardest decision either Chris or I has ever had to make. She was 12 1/2 years old and had led a great life. We took her almost everywhere with us, and loved her as unconditionally as she loved us. She was a wonderful animal, a constant in our lives.  These thoughts were the only thing that has goten us through the past few days. We know in our hearts that we did the right thing by ending her suffering and to help her let go without having to endure tests and pain, etc.

All this being said, it still hurts knowing that I was the one that signed the paper to allow the lethal dose of anesthesia to enter her blood. It was very difficult, no, the MOST difficult,  to stand there holding her and feel the life drain away. I miss her more each day as the reality sinks in that she will not be coming home to me.

Sorry this is so depressing. It hurts me to type it all out, strangely more than it does to talk about it. Is that weird? I will never forget her as long as I live, she will never be replaced and holds a VERY special place in my heart, and Chris' too. We love you Myndi girl.